I Say Yes

I say yes
But I mean no

You say You in?
I say Yeah, sure
Heart already says no

You ask All good?
I say Amazing, fine
Eyes still load screen
Smile runs on autopilot

I play chill hero
Act super easygoing
Panic cartoons sprint inside
Brain becomes circling track

You say Help move?
I say No big deal
Spine writes angry letters
Mouth signs every one

I lift first box
Loyal mode switched on
Each stair just laughs
Brain chants Never again

Everytime I think me
Put yourself first now
Mouth jumps out front
Boundaries crawl behind

I say yes
But I mean no's

I say yes again
Inside I mean no

Type All good. Promise
Quietly overload
Implode

I say yes
But I mean no

Sign up for everything
Skip almost every thrill
Act fully on board
Feet stay still, stuck

I say yes
But I mean no

Meetings sound like riddles
I nod like expert
Buzzwords flood the room
Phone secretly googles them

They say Circle back
Key deliverables. Flow
I bookmark pure nonsense
Hope nobody will know

I start random hobbies
Totally you, they say
Buy gear
Post picture
Pretend this fits me

Three weeks, silence, dust
Projects lose heartbeat
Shelves hold old versions
None of them feel mine

Brain asks Who are we?
Pick just one self
Heart shrugs Yes and no
Maybe
We will see

I say yeees
But I mean no

I say yes, reflex
Deep down I mean no
Tick every small box
Never choose the show

I say yes
But I mean no

Do a thousand favors
Just to keep peace
Hold my tongue nightly
Let my needs decrease

I say yes
But I mean no

Nowerday, finally
I say yo-no
No slide-deck excuses
No backup rescue plan

Next invite
Soft answer
Not tonight
Thanks, friend
World stays where it is
Nothing cracks
I breathe

I say yes
But I mean no
I say yeeees
But I mean noooo

I say yes
But I mean no's
No shares some space
Between please like me
And honest version, me

I say yes.
Sometimes, when my heart agrees
I say "no" and keep smiling
Feel my lungs breathe
Life stays contradiction free

Now I choose plate
Less Should
More Actually
Tastes finally like me

You ask You in? again
I say I’ll think.
Feels weird on tongue
Heart finally has room

I say yes
But I mean no